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ET 22 min: Loads of you are demanding a story about a bridge. Well there was once a man called Phil...
ET 21 min: Why didn't Miku start? He's such a livewire and is causing all sorts of problems for Paraguay. "I was bitten by a brown recluse spider which put me in hospital for two days," says Ivan Victor. "I got out last night and following your MBM is so much more fun and exciting than my past 48 hours. I have pictures if anyone's interested!"
ET 19 min: Miku scampers down the right flank, making Paraguay's defence look very slow and cumbersome. What pace! He easily beats the defender and reaches the byline, but Villar stops his cutback from reaching Rondon at the far post! The resulting corner is cleared.
ET 18 min: Paraguay's nuclear meltdown continues at quite some pelt. Veron, unhappy with being bumped over by Miku, gets up and barges into the striker with his elbow. He just about avoided headbutting him and is only booked.
ET 16 min: And off we go again. "What time zone are you watching in? asks a concerned Nick Parker. "Just asking because if you're in the UK this is stupid o'clock to be watching a dull game." It's currently 4.06am in England.
Peep! Peep! That's half-time in extra-time. Not before Paraguay self-combust even further, Ortigoza in an almighty funk about something. It's not entirely clear why he's so angry. He's currently the angriest man in Argentina, which is saying something. Paraguay's assistant coach has been sent off as well.
ET 15 min: Now Venezuela really have to go for it. To be fair to them, they've got Paraguay pinned back now. Maldonado flicks on a high cross, and Rondon, who's all better now, tries an acrobatic overhead kick which flies straight at Villar.
ET 13 min: MORE EXCITING OCCURRENCES! WILL THEY NEVER END? PARAGUAY ARE DOWN TO TEN MEN! SANTANA GETS HIS MARCHING ORDERS! A second booking for the Paraguay midfielder, after he clattered into Rondon, who made sure the referee knew about it.
ET 10 min: Another chance for Venezuela! Paraguay have fallen to pieces. A long pass is pinged over the gawping Caceres, Rondon through on the left. His touch is slightly heavy though, and enables Villar to slide out and concede a corner. That was vital as Rondon had Miku free in the middle.
ET 9 min: After all that excitement, I believe the Paraguay coach has been sent to the stands for arguing too vigorously with the officials. Also Miku had a half-chance after a brilliant diagonal pass from left to right from Cichero, but from the right side of the area, he didn't catch his volley properly and made it an easy save for Villar.
ET 6 min: This is incredible. For the third time in the match, Venezuela have hit the woodwork! What do they have to do to score? Watch Paraguay beat them 1-0 on penalties now. Venezuela had a free-kick out on the right, which Arango went over to take. He looked like he was going to cross, but instead, from a ludicrous angle, he curled a delicious effort over the gobsmacked Villar and on to the angle of post and bar! Amazingly the ball falls down into the six-yard box - and at the feet of Santana, who boots it clear, rather than any of the three Venezuela attackers who would have had a simple tap-in!
ET 4 min: Venezuela hit the post! MBM reporter wakes up! It's all going off now! Yes. Yes. This is it. Maldonado created the chance, if you can call it that, brilliantly plucking a long ball out of the sky, before unleashing a couple of stepovers and loping towards the Paraguay area. He decided to have a go from just outside the area. Naturally his shot was heading off in the general direction of Uruguay, but Miku instinctively stuck out a toe to direct it past Villar and on to the base of the left post! It comes back out and Da Silva hacks clear.
ET 2 min: Even the horns in the stadium sound bored. Martinez takes a pop from distance. It's deflected to the left for a corner. Vega takes the cross in positive fashion. "30 minutes of extra-time?" says Andres Burel. "In this match? Seriously? I'd rather kill myself with a moist cracker! Too bad I'm too interested in the result to die now, after all I'm uruguayan and want to know who we're playing against on Sunday."
ET 1 min: Let's make this interesting. Let's see if it's possible to write a minute-by-minute report after chewing off your fist. Roque Santa Cruz had the right idea. "People bemoaned the loss of the underdogs like Ghana and lack of underdogs in the latter rounds of tournaments...this is what can happen," says Daryl Fox. "Both teams look scared to be this far. It has got to the stage of not even fouls to stop the supply of free-kicks that were the only creative outlet! Can the referee not in retrospect just award Venezuela that first half goal and be done? Brazil v Chile might've been a bad game like Portugal v Germany and Italy v France in 2006." There's no such thing as a bad game involving Chile.
Peep! Peep! Peep! And we're going to have extra-time. God? Are you there? Are you still awake? I have a question: why?
90 min+2: "You're a legend for having to sit through this nonsense, at an ungodly hour and have to write about it," says Pedro Reyes. "The watching the paint dry doesnt do this game justice, I think we need this."
90 min: A corner to Venezuela! Come on Venezuela! It's headed away at the near post. Ah well. Venezuela keep the pressure up though, and Rondon, completely unmarked at the far post, has a sniff of a chance before Villar grabs the ball away from him.
87 min: "I've given up watching the match and will check progress on your MBM, besides Manchester united have just kicked off against the Seattle Sounders bound to be a more interesting match than this dirge," says Scott Mellor. "Although the florescent yellow kit of Seattle is wearing bound to bring on a monstrous headache after a while although better than a coma. P.S. Owen has just scored, Evra bridging the attack with a fine assist."
85 min: Venezuela make their final change, Maldonado on for Gonzalez.
84 min: The ESPN commentator says that unless we get a goal, there's going to be another 30 minutes of this, which sounds vaguely like a threat.
82 min: I give it five hours before Harry Redknapp's stating his interest in Santa Cruz.
81 min: Well if anything sums up this match, it's this farce. Santa Cruz, who came on in the 74th minute, has lasted all of seven minutes before going off clutching his hamstring. What a shower. What did he do when he was warming up, sink a few pints? That's some shift he's put in there. Osvaldo Martinez comes on for him.
80 min: From fully 40 yards out, Arango decides to go for goal with the free-kick. Not a bad effort but not good enough to beat Villar.
79 min: Santana is booked for a hefty challenge on Miku 40 yards from goal. Welcome to the game!
78 min: Something to lift the mood, courtesy of Rob Smyth.
76 min: What the hell is Barrios playing at here? A long ball is pumped forward in his general direction. No Venezuela player is near him. Instead of just taking it down, he bounces up and watches the ball sail over his head. No matter, because no one's near him, and Rey's not about to make a play for the ball. Instead of controlling it though, Barrios does another jump and watches Rey pinch the ball off him. Are we entirely sure he's who he says he is?
74 min: Valdez goes off, Roque Santa Cruz comes on.
73 min: Venezuela respond by bringing on Miku for Moreno. "I've been wondering why there are so many empty seats at this match, I'd go see a semi-final in any continental competition in a heartbeat," says Kari Tulinius. "But from the quality of the game so far I have to say that maybe it's because Argentines know enough about football to not waste their time on this. I, on the other hand, am committed. I sat through all 67 hours of Switzerland - Ukraine at the 2006 World Cup, this is nothing compared to that. But yes, I'd love to hear a story about a bridge." After that, maybe we could discuss trade sanctions in Europe in the 17th century.
71 min: Paraguay bring on Estigarribia for Barreto, who's faded in the second half.
68 min: Good hold-up play from Barrios sets up a half-chance for Valdez 15 yards from goal. His shanked volley goes out for a throw-in.
67 min: Would anybody like to hear a story about a bridge?
64 min: The quality is dipping. Both sides don't appear to have much of a clue beyond set-pieces, and the delivery from those has disintegrated. This is the problem with upsets in knock-out tournaments: you end up with matches like this.
61 min: Paraguay dither with a hopeful ball looped into their area. Rondon causes problems for Veron, as Villar stays on his line, unsure what to do. Suddenly the ball is in Paraguay's six-yard box, forcing Veron to act. He tries to hook the ball clear, but Gonzalez is there too and manages to crack a shot goalwards from a tight angle. Villar blocks well with his chest.
60 min: This could have been Brazil v Chile.
57 min: Valdez gets his head to Barreto's corner, but he's arching back and under pressure as he meets it. No bother for Venezuela.
56 min: Barreto goes for goal, but the wall stands firm and deflects his effort behind for a corner on the left.
55 min: Rosales is booked after clumsily bringing down Valdez from behind, just outside the area. This is a very promising position for Paraguay, a few yards to the left of the D. "Bit surprised by the "selected" Paraguay matches resulting in a "prediction" of 0-0 tonight, given that Paraguay played Venezuela just over a week ago and it finished 3-3," says Kat Petersen.
52 min: Vega makes a important block to deny Valdez. Once again Venezuela were caught out by a speedy Paraguay break after a free-kick was cleared. Barrios lofted a ball through the middle, looking for the marauding Ortigoza. He was unable to take the ball in his stride but it ran into the area for Valdez. Vega came charging off his line to challenge him, and his decision was vindicated as Valdez's low shot from an angle was blocked by the goalkeeper's legs.
51 min: Gonzalez drives a fine cross into the area, cutting across the ball as he hits it. Caceres stops Rondon getting his head on it though.
50 min: Is it true that if you eat enough carrots you develop X-Ray vision?
49 min: How long will it be before Roque Santa Cruz is thrown on? Valdez and Barrios are seeing less and less of the ball as the match goes on.
47 min: Barreto over-hits a free-kick from the left. Catching practice for Vega. "Paraguay need to wake up in the second half," says Julio Filgueras. "If they don't react Venezuela could win the game. They have shown that they can play equal for equal against Paraguay, is not more the old Venezuela that eaten six goals in a match. Uruguay is waiting and watching."
46 min: Off we go again. A quick omen: Uruguay had a goal disallowed in the first half last night and went on to win. Venezuela have made a change, Rey on for Perozo due to an injury. "How do you think Jon Walters would do in this game tonight?" asks Alec McAulay. "You remember him. I am sure." Jon Walters is a clodhopper, so he could probably fit in well in the Paraguay midfield.
Half time emails.
"I'm surprised at people's surprise about Paraguay and Uruguay's making it to the Copa America semifinals (and likely the finals)," says Reginald Laing. "Did anyone catch the last World Cup? Uruguay was only knocked out by van Bronckhort's wonder goal. And if memory serves, Paraguay played Spain as evenly as anyone played them. The Paraguayans had a goal called back (wrongly, in my view). And Valdez was giving Spain's glacially fast defenders all kinds of trouble--that is until Puyol's deliberately dirty tackle saw him off on a stretcher." I don't think anyone's surprised about Uruguay getting there, although they weren't expected to beat Argentina. It was just unexpected that neither Argentina nor Brazil would be here, something compounded by Venezuela and Peru beating Chile and Colombia.
"These Copa America Mornings are great - getting me through my last week - I quit yesterday, upwards and onwards," says Jimmy Hussey. "Suarez seems to be the only non surprise of the tournament, what are Venezuela like? Any potential superstars on the cheap?" No superstars, although they have some decent players going forward. Rondon's lively.
"A selection of Paraguay competitive games recently in the past year," says Daryl Fox.
Paraguay 0-0 Japan
Paraguay 0-1 Spain
Paraguay 0-0 Brazil
Paraguay 0-0 Ecuador
Paraguay ?-? Venezuela
Paraguay's Goal Difference in the group? Zero. 0-0 maybe? Long night ahead..." Don't get me started on this lot. They make Mancini's Manchester City look like the reincarnation of Brazil 1982.
"Venezuela's an odd case when it comes to putting their record in European terms because it's a country where football has never been the most popular sport, 2nd or 3rd, depending on who you ask," points out Kari Tulinius. "I can't think of a European country where that's the case. As to Paraguay... a country that always makes the World Cup, reaches the second round only to lose in the first match or quarterfinals... yeah, that doesn't remind me of any European country."
"I keep replaying the disallowed goal," says Lizzy Ammon. "It was, by accident, probably the right call but I'm not sure the lino, sorry assistant ref, could have seen from where he was. There were rather a lot of large dudes with even larger hair cuts in his way. What do you think about the decision? Venezuela just seem a bit more goal hungry but I'll have a pint of whatever Valdez is drinking ? how does one person run that much without dying?" The decision was right, but I don't think the linesman knew why it was right. Which still makes it right. Right?
Half time: Paraguay 0-0 Venezuela.
Peep! Peep! The whistle blows for half time. Venezuela are in this. Paraguay were slightly hanging on at the end of that half.
45 min: We'll have one minute of stoppage time. Venezuela won't want this half to end. "Point taken, Paraguay was second," says Angel Blanco. Weren't Chile second? "However...Have you seen Larissa Riquelme and Diosa Canales? They promised to get naked if these teams win, and after googling them, tell me these minors teams are not worth the hazzle?" Ok, you win.
43 min: Paraguay are on the rack here! Venezuela are well on top and only the heroics of the excellent Villar have stopped them taking the lead. Gonzalez curled a cross into the box, which was met by a strong header from Moreno, who beat Veron to the ball. The effort looped over Villar but crashed back off the bar and out into the area. Rondon was quick on to the loose ball, but his snap-shot from 12 yards out was beaten away by Villar. This wasn't in the script.
41 min: Habib Butt has some answers for us. "The closest I can think of is the Republic of Ireland in Italia 90," says Habib. "They reached the quarters without winning a match, and scored only 2 goals in 5 matches."
38 min: Actually, I take it back. I'd want to see his working, but however the linesman reached his decision, it was ultimately the right one. When Vizcarrondo headed the ball, Rondon was inches offside, standing in front of Villar. Now, it's debatable that under the current rules that shouldn't be enough to disallow the goal, but the header actually took a flick off Rondon's head on its way into the net. Whether the linesman actually saw that is another thing.
35 min: GOAL ... NO! DISALLOWED! Venezuela are going to be fuming when they see this again. This is a very iffy decision from the linesman. They had a free-kick on the right, which was hit high to the far post. Cichero was completely unmarked there and headed the ball into the six-yard box, where Vizcarrondo bullets a header into the left corner. He wheels off in celebration but only for a moment, as he quickly realises the whistle has gone. There didn't appear to be much wrong with that, but the linesman rules that Rondon was standing in an offside position in front of Villar and was therefore interfering with play as Vizcarrondo headed the ball.
33 min: This hasn't been very good. Surely Uruguay will stuff whoever wins this match.
31 min: "Actually, these two teams are not minor teams, as suggested," says Angel Blanco. "Paraguay was first in last World Cup South American Qualifiers and Venezuela was only two points of the last spot, the run out with Australia. Paraguay is a consistent World Cup performer. They were kicked out of 1998 only by Champions France and 2010 by Champions Spain...Just to let you know!!" Er, didn't Brazil finish top of that group? And you're trying to tell me that Venezuela are not minor on the basis of nearly kind of sort of qualifying. You'll have to do better than that. Paraguay have never done anything at a World Cup. Unless you're suggesting that if they'd beaten France in 1998, they would have gone on to beat Italy, Croatia and Brazil. Or Germany and Holland last year. Just to let you know!!
29 min: Well Arango has come back on, trying to run the injury off. Another free-kick for Paraguay on the right, but this time Da Silva can only head Barreto's deep cross softly at Vega.
27 min: A huge blow for Venezuela. Their captain, Juan Arango, who appeared to take a knock to his left leg at that corner, has gone off on a stretcher. He may not return.
25 min: Straight from that Venezuela corner, Paraguay break quickly and Barrios releases Valdez down the right again. He hares away from the Venezuela defence, and then strikes a firm effort towards Vega's near post. It should be an easy stop for Vega, but he ends up needlessly conceding a corner as he pats the the ball down and sees the bounce take it behind. The corner comes to nothing though.
24 min: Rondon decides to force the issue with a strong run in from the left flank. He manages to squirm into the area, before winning a corner. Gonzalez takes it, but it's headed away at the near post.
23 min: "How unlikely a set of semi-finalists are Uruguay, Peru, Venezuela and Paraguay?" says Kenneth O'Brien. "I know this might be unfair, and possibly illustrates my complete ignorance of the game, outside of Europe, but what would a European comparison be? Are we talking England, Republic of Ireland, Scotland and Wales or an even more unlikely foursome?" He's here all week everybody!
21 min: Moreno is down getting some treatment after taking a blow from Caceres. He'll be fine.
19 min: From the edge of the area, Valdez has possibly the worst shot in the history of the game. So piffling was it that Vega was able to control it with his feet and start a Venezuela attack. Things we've gleaned from this tournament," says Habib Butt. "I hope we meet Brazil in the world cup final in 2014, and hope it goes to penalties. Luis Suarez at 22million is looking like a bargain. Ok, I'm wearing my rose tinted Liverpool specs, reassure me please." Suarez is something else. And what a villainous character.
18 min: It's fairly nervy, as these sort of games tend to be. Venezuela haven't done much as an attacking force. It could be a long night.
16 min: Valdez nods down a cross from the right. Barreto races forward and shanks a volley over from 25 yards out. Terrible tekkers, to use the language of people with designer haircuts.
14 min: A lull. "Do you know of another team that's reached the semi-finals of a major tournament without actually winning a game?" asks Kari Tulinius. "In terms of sport weirdness that's no Isner - Mahut, but it's an odd feat." You're right, that is weird. Can anyone help?
13 min: "Venezuela wins: Miss Universe 6, Miss World 5, Copa America matches 4," notes Kat Petersen. They robbed Nude Beach Planet in one of those Miss Universe wins though.
11 min: A class centre-back maybe, but Vizcarrondo isn't so hot going forward, as he demonstrates with a comical air-swipe at a loose ball on the edge of Paraguay's area. Up the other end, Venezuela are making problems for themselves. Under no pressure Vega knocks a loose pass straight to Valdez, who's faced by three Venezuela defenders. He cuts inside on to his left foot and then slams an ugly shot high and wide from 20 yards.
10 min: "I've got not much to say so far except that Vizcarrondo looks like a class centre-back," says Kari Tulinius. "Surely he won't be playing in the Venezuelan league for much longer."
8 min: Paraguay go so close to taking the lead. From the right, Barreto swings over a flat free-kick. Veron, who's got roughly the entire area to himself, twists his neck muscles and plants a great header towards the bottom-left corner from 15 yards out. The power he got on that! Thankfully Vega is alive to the danger and dives low to his left to parry the effort clear. Veron collects the rebound to the right of the area, but his cross is straight at Vega. That was terrible defending from Venezuela, who struggled at set-pieces in the group game between these two.
7 min: Venezuela will try to break at speed at every opportunity. Moreno and Rondon combine to work the ball out to Cichero on the left, but his shot from an angle is straight at Villar, who was in inspired form against Brazil and isn't about to be beaten by the likes of that.
6 min: Vizcarrondo is a giant of a man. He's the Venezuelan Andy Carroll. He may have his hands full this evening, because Paraguay have started on the front foot. Caceres clips a tempting cross into the area from the right, but it swings over Barrios at the far post.
5 min: Emails please!
4 min: Ominous signs early on for Venezuela. Their back four is caught woefully square by a simple long ball over the top from Ortigoza, into the inside-right channel. Valdez, with all the time in the world, springs on to it but his first touch is dire and takes him away from goal. Unable to shoot, he tries to find Barrios in the middle but his cutback is too cut back and Venezuela clear.
2 min: Paraguay are on the attack straight away. Santana breaks free down the left, but his cross is deflected and heads through to Vega.
1 min: Textbook kick-off from Venezuela. Great stuff. Really good to see. They're attacking from left to right. Hugo Chavez has been tweeting them messages of support. If that doesn't spur them on, quite frankly I don't know what will.
1.50am: Kick-off was scheduled for 1.45am. Those who can read will note we're five minutes. Now, I haven't got anywhere to be at this hour, but come on.
The anthems. Paraguay's should be accompanied by a marching band, perhaps at a summer village fete. Venezuela's has an ominous deep note somewhere in the middle.
The teams are out of the tunnel. But currently ESPN are blaring what sounds supiciously the closing music from the A Team. Very strange. "Paddypower is offering 15/2 for Venezuela to win the Copa America," says Inti Arturo Kirkham Rodriguez. "That's not a bad bet. Paraguay look very ordinary and they could easily squeeze past Uruguay, especially in this tournament of shock results."
Team news.
Paraguay: Villar; C�ceres, Da Silva, Piris, Ver�n; Barreto, Riveros, Ortigoza, Santana; Barrios, Valdez.
Venezuela: Vega; Rosales, Perozo, Vizcarrondo, Cichero; Di Giorgi, Lucena, C�sar Gonz�lez, Arango; Moreno, Rond�n.
It's the second Copa America 2011 semi-final! Huzzah!
It's not Brazil v Chile though. Ah.
It's Paraguay v Venezuela! Huzz... Ah.
What they're playing for: The right to lose to Uruguay in the final.
As has been well documented by now, this has been a tournament for the little guys, and they don't come much smaller than these two. Paraguay haven't been champions since 1979, their last appearance in the final. At least they've been to one though. If they're going to reach their first final, they're going to have win a Copa America game for only the fifth time in their entire history. Why, these two are as 'umble as Rupert Murdoch on a Tuesday afternoon in London.
Paraguay are here after their comical penalty shoot-out win ? can we actually call it a win? - against Brazil. If we're especially lucky tonight, they may decide to have their first shot before the 118th minute, although such caution tends not to matter when the other team contrives to miss all four of their penalties (Brazil even managed to make Holland look deadly from 12 yards) and your goalkeeper plays a blinder. They're unlikely to be so defensive against Venezuela, particular if Nestor Ortigoza starts in midfield, although it's difficult to think of too many storming games involving Paraguay. All hail the kings of the deathly goalless draw - this lot haven't even won a game in the non-Liverpool style yet, after all. Just think what could be achieved if they ever hired Roberto Mancini.
Although Paraguay and Venezuela did play out a fascinating 3-3 draw in the group stages, one of the most entertaining matches in the tournament so far. So there's plenty of grounds for optimism. Honest! Venezuela have been unexpectedly brilliant. They held Brazil comfortably in their first game ? then again, who hasn't ? and somehow beat Chile in their quarter-final. If you didn't see that game, there was a astonishing spell during the second half when Venezuela must have felt they were playing against a slope. They clung on though and even responded to Chile's equaliser by nicking a winner. Two set-pieces did the job, so watch out for Juan Arango's lovely left peg. Like Peru last night, they'll just be happy to have gone one better than last time, but Paraguay are no Uruguay. It's up for grabs now, as a great man once said.
Both sides have selection issues however. The good news for Venezuela is that Paraguay are without the suspended Antonin Alcaraz, sent off for punching Lucas Leiva. The even better bad news for Venezuela is that Roque Santa Cruz, who scored a hat-trick against them in the 3-3, may be back. And they're also without influential midfielder Tomas Rincon, who joins Alcaraz on the naughty step.
Source: http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2011/jul/21/copa-america-2011-paraguay-venezuela
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