vallierojas: Is it justifiable to leave an interview?

Problems at work? Need advice? Our agony uncle ? and readers ? have the answers

My work is dominated by egos and I can't fit into that culture

I have worked for a successful company for about four years. The problem is the culture. Many members of staff constantly shout about how busy they are, how hard they work, how great they are and so on.

Another big part of the problem is the owners' ego. They surround themselves with people who love to massage their egos. I can't do that, we are all busy, but my ethic is to get on with the job ? just do it. I see other people gaining recognition based on how much they talk about their work. My wife thinks I should join in, but I can't. What should I do?

Jeremy says

I suspect the key to this problem lies in the fact that your company is run by its owners. Sometimes owners run quite excellent companies ? fanatical about standards and detail and with an almost family concern for the welfare of their staff. And sometimes the very fact of ownership so insulates them from the realities of life that they lose all normal sensitivities. They're far too secure in their own positions. They expect and encourage sycophancy ? as yours have done ? and surround themselves with people in their own image, almost irrespective of performance.

Realistically, I'm afraid you need to accept that this won't change. There's nothing that a single person can do or say that will affect the entire culture of a successful company. That's the way these owners do things ? and that's the way they'll go on doing things. So in one respect, your wife is right. If you're to stay with this company, and progress, it's you who will have to make the changes.

And yet, from what you say, I very much doubt if you can. And not because of stubbornness or any belief in your own superiority: there's just something in your makeup that makes you incapable of pretending to be what you're not. Even if you tried, I bet you'd do it so badly that it wouldn't fool anyone.

So my bleak conclusion has to be this: either hang on in there, as you have for four years. Or make a firm internal decision to move elsewhere ? and start looking immediately.

Readers say

? I can empathise a great deal on this. I was recently a senior manager in a manufacturing organisation. The MD had a massively inflated opinion of his somewhat meagre ability. The lengths people would go to to get attention and suck up to him was pretty unpleasant. But then some people like this culture and can see it as part of their job. I can't. Massaging egos, apologising for arriving five minutes late in the morning, deserting your principles and pretending to like somebody you wouldn't normally talk to ? I couldn't stand it anymore so have been self-employed for three and a half years. Best thing I ever did. CovBoy

? Unfortunately, self-promotion is a necessary skill in most environments. Sometimes, this swings too far the wrong way and the promotion overtakes the substance, but you do need to blow your own trumpet a little. It doesn't have to be as overt as regular "I'm great" statements, but there's nothing wrong in making sure the good work you do is noticed. BallaBoy

Is it ever justifiable to walk out of a job interview?

I'm currently looking for a job. Sometimes, especially where it is just a one-to-one interview, the interviewer can be quite rude. It seems they make up their mind in the first five minutes or less and after that, it's a lost cause. However, instead of hiding their feelings they can be rather impolite and negative ... for an hour!

I have increasingly been wondering if, when it's so clearly obvious they're not going to hire me, it would be better to simply say "thank you for your time" and leave. For example, recently I went to an interview and the interviewer kept looking out the glass partition window into the main office while I was answering his questions. At one point he took his mobile out of his pocket and laughed at a text message and replied to it, continuing to laugh to himself. He had made a comment earlier in the interview that he thought my experience wasn't relevant and made it clear after that he wasn't interested in listening to me.

I had another more recent interview where again the interviewer kept looking into the main office while I was speaking. However, he was a bit more negative and kept criticising my answers and telling me my experience (public sector) wasn't relevant and criticising the public sector.

I've always been professional and gone through with the full interview but I'm increasingly considering not doing it the next time this happens. Interviewees give up at least two hours of transport time and money to attend an interview, not to mention several hours' preparation. I know I shouldn't dwell on the negative and just move on but it just isn't helpful to sit through a critical interview, not to mind infuriating to have had my time wasted. Is it ever OK to walk out of an interview?

Jeremy says

Your letter will strike a familiar chord with many readers. Some interviewers ? in the minority, certainly, but still too many ? undoubtedly abuse their position and seem to actively enjoy humiliating those they're interviewing. It's revealing that you find this sort of behaviour particularly common in one-to-one interviews. Presumably the presence of colleagues serves to modify such instincts; but when they're on their own, with no witnesses other than the luckless interviewee, they feel free to be as ill-mannered as they choose. At its worst, it's a form of sadism ? and it's quite despicable.

But before you decide to get up and go, with whatever grace and dignity you can muster, do be aware of a potential trap. There are a few interviewers who clearly believe, quite mistakenly in my opinion, that the most effective interview is the one that tests to breaking point the tolerance and strength of character of the person in the opposite chair. So they are deliberately rude, deliberately off-hand, deliberately dismissive of that other person's experience; and wait to see if they snap or not. It's just possible that some of those who've interviewed you in the past have been employing this questionable tactic: The Apprentice has a lot to answer for.

You might very well feel that you'd never want to work for a company that selected its employees on such a crude and uncivilised basis and I wouldn't blame you. But a job's a job.

The most severe danger you face is that serial experiences of this kind begin to affect your confidence and your demeanour. You begin to anticipate humiliation and rejection; and like a dog expecting to be beaten, you let it show: either by cringing or by showing a sort of pre-emptive aggression. Neither will improve your interview prospects.

So on the whole, I'd recommend that you continue with your heroic fortitude. But in extreme cases, where a one-on-one interview has been conducted with deeply unprofessional unpleasantness, you might consider a calmly phrased letter to the interviewer's company. Employers feel protective about their company's reputation. As long as you take care not to sound like a bad loser, you'll have done a little something to protect others who'll come after you.

Readers say

? There is never any justification for treating a candidate with disrespect, no matter how unsuitable they may be for the job; a properly trained interviewer is able to guide such discussions to a swift conclusion, leaving your dignity and their reputation intact.

However, I'd hesitate to suggest simply walking out (unless the interviewer is plain rude or aggressive) as you'd be surprised how word can get around the local employment market. Take what opportunity you can to feed back about your experiences if you feel strongly enough, but at the end of the day simply ask yourself whether you'd actually want to work for an organisation that treats people this way. Watty145

? I have interviewed people at various stages in my career and never felt the need to behave in this way. If someone is obviously unsuited to the job I felt sorry for them and tried to leave them with as much dignity as possible. It must be symptomatic of the culture in these companies. Just bear in mind if this is the sort of person they employ, do you want to be employed and probably managed by someone with this kind of attitude? anenome6

? There are industries where an aggressive, dismissive demeanour towards juniors and "outsiders" is almost par for the course ? law and banking come to mind. In my experience, what these interviewers are looking for is a candidate who remains undaunted and fights their corner, regardless of the remarks made.

It's unclear from your letter what industries these interviews have been in. The ethics of these tactics aside, enough practice will improve your ability to speak up for your qualifications and experience. TheArcher

For Jeremy Bullmore's advice on a work issue, send a brief email to dear.jeremy@guardian.co.uk. Please note that he is unable to answer questions of a legal nature or reply personally.

Read next week's problems on the Money blog from Monday and post your advice ? we'll run the best of it alongside Jeremy's in next Saturday's column.

Jeremy Bullmore

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