Kiss goodbye to formulaic Christmas TV and welcome the geezers and gals of ITV2's 'documentary soap' into your lives
This year's Christmas schedule has all the inevitability of dry roast turkey. There's Doctor Who (again). Strictly Come Dancing (again), EastEnders festive misery (again). The Royle xyyz xvjkxvjk ? sorry, I just fell asleep at my keyboard. Then there's Poirot ? only the 65th mystery!
Which is why I am looking forward to The Only Way is Essex Christmas special. Apart from bringing something genuinely new to Christmas dinner, this "documentary soap" achieved something rare but all too necessary this year ? it made me laugh.
Following in the heels of US imports The Hills and Jersey Shore, the show has made no secret of the fact it is heavily contrived with this winning disclaimer: "This programme contains flash cars, big watches and false boobs. The tans you see might be fake but the people are all real although some of what they do has been set up purely for your entertainment."
In this patch of Essex, the boys own bars and nightclubs, while the women design clothes, launch pop songs and run Essex fashion week in between glamour modelling assignments. They are "professional" and "beautiful" even when angling for each other's boyfriends ? when, of course, they're not all telling each other to "shut up!".
Glamour model Sam (her face has launched a thousand Zoo magazines), best friend Amy and gay cousin Harry have formed an upbeat triumvirate at the show's core, while dashing alpha male Mark ? last seen boxing against rival Kirk in a kind of rutting-stag finale to the season ? has been revealed to be a dashing two-timing cad. And that's despite all the intense soliloquies about loving and losing women Mark has delivered to his handsome but gormless sidekick James "Arg". A fine bromance.
So far, so soapie. The Only Way is Essex is stuffed with soap archetypes ? Nanny Pat, for instance, could past muster as anyone's grandma, or, equally Ethel from EastEnders.
Like any good soap opera (the show is made by Hollyoaks producer Lime Pictures), the season finale left us with numerous cliffhangers. It's unclear what the Christmas special will as yet bring for our favourite Essex residents. But rumours still swirl that Lauren, trapped in a love triangle with Mark and Lucy, is pregnant. You couldn't make it up! Roll on Christmas!
The Only Way is Essexmas is at 9pm on ITV2 on Christmas Eve, repeated Christmas Day at 8pm
Television industry Economic policy Mark Bright TV ratings Electronic music Burlesque
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