Stella English outperforms Chris Bates in contest to create new alcoholic drink in ultimate episode, and becomes 2010 winner
And then there were two ? not Steady Eddie and Cautious Carol but Chris Bates and Stella English. The final task: to create a brand-new premium alcoholic drink. (Stella, being named after a brand of beer, may have an advantage).
They've got help from some of their former rivals. Stella tells her team that "anything that's happened in the past is all history".
This is all about what's happening now (the present, presumably) and what's happening now is something with bourbon. Coloured bourbon maybe. Someone suggests blue. "Blue is happy," says Joanna, who's on Stella's team. "You're happy when you're blue." Then she thinks about it. "Oh, blue is gay," she remembers. That's right, Joanna: and purple is envious, pink is sad, white is angry. In the end they don't add any colour; just some honey and spice to appeal to the ladies.
Then they design what looks like a balsamic vinegar bottle and call it Urbon, rather ingeniously. A bourbon blend for the urban generation, do you see? What colour is urban? Kind of yellowish, of course.
Chris is clear about one thing ? that he wants his drink to be clear. No colour at all. So Liz and Shibby, who are in charge of making it, chuck in a whole load of pink dye, presumably because they hate Chris and want to trip him up at the final hurdle. And, says Shibby, because "pink's the new blue".
"Guys, the colour is clear, to confirm?" says Chris, down the phone. "It's kind of like a watered-down, reddy-pinky colour," says Liz, a bit sheepishly. "The trouble with that is that it sounds like it's getting quite effeminate," says poor Chris, who can see his dream job slipping from his grasp.
"No, it's not effeminate, it's not pinky, it's not girly," says Liz. So it is pinky and it's not pinky, to confirm. Meanwhile, Chris is trying to come up with a name which will reflect his drink's three sides.
What's three in Italian? "Une, due ..." says Alex, and then stops. "I know cinque is five," he says helpfully.
What are this lot ? the ex-contestants ? like? They're colour blind, they lie, they're idiots, they're saboteurs, they can't even count to three in Italian, or even one actually. I'm beginning to think Lord Sugar has definitely got the right two in his final.
Chris's final product, Prism, a bright pink liquid in a pyramid-shaped bottle, might appeal to Queen Nefertiti - but no one would actually go into a bar and ask for one. But he can't really take the blame for the colour.
Stella's Urbon is clearly disgusting and tastes of cough mixture. Both their adverts are unimaginative, their presentations polished but dull.
So who will Sugar pick, to hire and take back to Hertfordshire, or Essex, or whichever part of his glamorous empire he decides to dump them in? Stella! Well, I was wrong, again. And actually I think Sugar may have got it right. All Chris's boasting and thinking outside the box was getting extremely tiresome; now he can bog off with his little wheelie suitcase full of disappointment and failure.
Stella is certainly the less irritating of the two. She's determined, organised, hardworking; she'll give her 110%. I think she'll fit right in ? to working next to the M25 for a computer company no one's ever heard of, or whatever treat Sugar's got lined up for her. What colour is success? It's grey, isn't it?
Hacking Twilight Weekend breaks Lloyds Banking Group New Castle United Reality TV
No comments:
Post a Comment