In my day, we just intervened against vicious despots. Why don't world leaders respect my method?
Dear Dr Mander
These kids today don't know how easy they've got it. I mean, back in my day, if we wanted to intervene in the Middle East against a vicious despot, we didn't have any of this UN backing or Arab League support for cover. No, we just had to go in on our own, unilateral, d'ya know what I mean?
But world leaders nowadays are soft. They're all, like: "We mustn't stand by while a dictator brutalises his people." Duh yeah! Hello! That was like my whole thing, man! But then they're all like: "Regime change isn't part of our mandate", which is missing the point completely. Sometimes you just don't get the mandate.
Remember Saddam? Me and my buddy George, we took that guy out. No second resolutions, no legal basis, and definitely no France.
As for this Cameron guy, thinks he's got all of my moves, says he's the rightful heir. The kid knows how to spin, I'll give him that. But now with this Libya thing, the dude's laying claim to my liberal interventionist crown. Well, he ain't gonna get it, not with all this modest pragmatic language and subtle behind-the-scenes diplomacy. These rookies gotta show respect to the Old School, ya feel me?
T Blair
Dear Mr Blair
It is hard for anyone who has been a trendsetter to see the next generation come through with its own style. But you don't want to end up as the old guy strutting around the party like he owns the place with all the kids laughing behind his back. Maverick unilateral adventurism is very last decade. This season everyone is in more formal coalitions. But don't worry, there are some looks that never go out of fashion. You can be pretty sure that Cameron's intervention won't go according to plan and that he'll be accused of being a blood-thirsty warmonger. When that happens, I'm sure people will be quick to credit your influence.
Dear Dr Mander
For a while now, I've been following this guy hoping he'll talk to me, but he won't even give me the time of day. His name's Alex and he's a football manager, the strong, silent, red-faced type. I just know we'd get along. I dream about asking him for post-match analysis, how he feels about United's title bid. He'd tell me all about how it's a game of two halves, at the end of the day this and at the end of the day that. How we'd laugh! I know things wouldn't always be perfect. Sometimes, he'd be unhappy about refereeing decisions and perhaps occasionally I'd have to ask difficult questions.
He sometimes talks to other broadcasters, but I know he's just doing it to tease me. Sometimes, he says nothing to anyone, just chews gum ferociously. It drives me wild. He's the best manager in the Premier League and I'm the national broadcaster. It's meant to be. Why can't he see it?
Beeb
Dear Beeb
In cases of unrequited love there are two scenarios. Either he is shy and waiting for you to make the first move or he's just not into you. If you've approached him for interviews and been rebuffed, I'd suggest the latter diagnosis. In which case, you need to get over it as quickly as possible. Maybe rebound on to Ars�ne Wenger. He's a pretty loose talker.
Dear Dr Mander
I was just resting my eyes in the House of Commons the other day and, well, the thing is, I might have nodded off for a bit during the budget. I've been chancellor, so I know the drill. A cut here, a tax there, unleashing growth, bonfire of red tape, family-friendly blah blah. But still, as a minister, I probably ought to have been paying attention. Did I miss anything?
K Clarke
Dear Mr Clarke
No, you seem to have got the gist. Go back to sleep. We'll wake you if there's an election.
Dr Gerry Mander shares his consulting room with Rafael Behr
Source: http://feeds.guardian.co.uk/~r/theguardian/commentisfree/rss/~3/Jq3zyto0Dmo/dr-gerry-mander-on-couch
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