vallierojas: Eccentric British tour guides

Meet our pick of UK tourism's characters, from the Belfast iconoclast on the trail of punks to the Hadrian's Wall tour guide with Roman-soldier-envy

Arthur Magee, tour guide, Belfast

John Peel ? rather than a masked gunman ? is the only person you will see depicted on a wall mural if you join Arthur Magee's walking tour of Belfast. From Belfast City Hall, Magee takes visitors on a journey through "alternative Ulster", from the radical Presbyterians of the 18th century to the anti-sectarian punks of the 1970s.

"I'm not interested in showing tourist men with woolly faces brandishing guns," he says. "That's for voyeurs and not for me."

This big, bald-headed iconoclast wants visitors to see another side of Belfast: "I want to take every stereotype about this city and turn it on its head," he booms as we walk at a frenetic pace towards some of the hidden history stops of central Belfast.

We take in the alleyway where The Undertones cut their most famous song, Teenage Kicks ? John Peel's favourite tune, hence the mural. At Rosemary Street First Presbyterian Church, Magee demolishes one of the biggest stereotypes of Protestant Ulster ? dour, ultra-conservative men in bowler hats and orange sashes.

Inside the church he points out that in the early 19th century, the minister and his congregation were in the vanguard of the anti-slavery movement even before William Wilberforce, and organised a boycott of sugar because it was "covered in blood" from the slave plantations: "The radical Presbyterians were free thinkers. They founded the United Irish movement, and dreamed of religious equality and freedom. They were the punks of their day."

At Writer's Square, a memorial stands to commemorate the men from the city who fought for the Republican side in the Spanish civil war. But even at this hallowed spot, Magee is smashing up more stereotypes: "Although the men who fought against fascism were in my eyes heroes, I always point out to tourists, especially those from Spain, that there were many Irishmen fighting for the other side, too."

Across the road is the John Hewitt (thejohnhewitt.com), a pub run by a workers' collective and named after the Ulster poet who spent his life campaigning against sectarianism. Its seafood chowder and fresh fish as well as a range of Irish and European beers are welcome after an hour of pounding Belfast pavements.
? Experience Belfast (0777 164 0746, belfastfreetours.com) tours lasting 75 minutes ("Can be longer if I like you") cost �5pp
Henry McDonald

Gary Reed, tour guide, Hadrian's Wall

In his black-and-white Northumberland tartan kilt, Gary Reed is not your average tour guide. He had us crouching in a field as he demonstrated Roman warfare tactics with two sticks and a dried cowpat, caught up in his compelling tales of Barbarians readying themselves for attack.

He's the kind of person you wish all history teachers could be ? information from him somehow seeps into your brain without you even trying. Maybe it's the humour, his ability to bring the scene to life. Maybe he was actually a Roman soldier in a past life (he is ex-army, and I've a suspicion he'd like to have been). "The soldiers had decent wages, saunas, wine from the Med and not much conflict ? a pretty good posting if you ask me," he said.

I had gone on a walking and camping trip with Gary's company, Hadrian's Wall Ltd. It's all tailormade, so you can camp, stay in B&Bs or hotels, walk, cycle or take jeep safaris, and choose to self-guide or have Gary join you for some or all of your time. While it's great to wander this beautiful part of the country unguided for a while, Gary's eccentric ways, depth of knowledge and unbridled enthusiasm will have you loving it even more.
? Hadrian's Wall Safari Tours (01434 344650, hadrianswall.ltd.uk) charges �199 for a week's self-guided camping trek with talks from Gary each morning. A one-day jeep safari costs �50pp based on four sharing. A two-day guided walk with three nights' full-board at the Northumbrian Country Inn costs from �299pp
Jane Dunford

The Pink Lady Flamingo, busker, Deal and London

You may have come across the extravagantly dressed Pink Lady Flamingo (aka Maryanne Kerr) busking on the underground, or at a gay pride event, a seaside restaurant, or even Ibiza. "I've been at it since I broke a record contract with CBS," she says, "because I refused to be dictated to. That was when I was 36 ? now I'm 77!"

She experimented with many careers, from modelling to singing to designing, but it was journalism that actually enabled her to start busking: "A women's mag gave me a commission, so I had some money to start my adventures. And I've never looked back."

She auditioned for the London underground and got her licence. "But I had my second open-heart operation and decided to stop, as there was too much stair-climbing." Her next UK appearance is in Kent, at the Private Widdle Social Club at Deal's Astor Theatre (theaster.org, tickets �12) on 10 September.
Stephen Emms

Harry Collett, ghost tour guide, Whitby

"There's a right way, a wrong way, and a Whitby way." So says Whitby "storywalker" Harry Collett at the start of his ghost walks. Dressed in a long black frock coat and top hat, Harry leads his charges like a gothic Pied Piper through Whitby's narrow alleys and snickets, stopping to point out the hotel where Bram Stoker wrote Dracula, the house where the Witches of Whitby lived, where a bankrupt man hanged himself, where the ghost of the one-armed lighthouse keeper can be seen, and the tree where a horseman was decapitated by a low branch. "Sometimes people think they see a football rolling down the hill, but when they look more closely, they see that it's a head," says Harry with a ghoulish laugh. Great fun.
? 01947 821734, whitbywalks.com, adults �5, under-12s �3
Mike Carter

The Mad Hatter, cafe owner, Margate

Always dressed up as his namesake, and doling out sparkling witticisms and greetings, the Mad Hatter is one of the Kent coast's most treasured characters. If you visit his magical little cafe near the seafront, the top-hatted one will show you to his flowery garden, advise you to peruse the vintage photographs and permanent Christmas decorations on the walls and then whisk away your order for sarnie, homemade Victoria sponge and tea with a swirl of his coat-tails.
? 9 Lombard Street, 01843 232626; for more of the best English tea rooms, see tea-room-guide.org.uk
Gemma Bowes

Ian McWhinney's shellfish safaris, Ross-shire

Book one of Ian's fishy safaris, and not only will you get the chance to go out on a traditional creel fishing boat and catch yourself a supper of langoustines, crab or squat lobster, but you'll also get an insight into a way of Highland life that has endured for more than 500 years. Ian is a descendant of the Mackenzies, who have fished the waters of Gair Loch since the 15th century. He lives on Dry Island in the middle of the loch with his partner Jess and two daughters, and recently declared the isle an independent nation, Islonia (islonia.com) whose currency is the crab and whose motto is "size isn't everything". Anyone wishing to become an honorary "citizen" can book into one of two self-catering cottages run by Ian and Jess.
? Shellfish safaris (01445 741263, shellfishsafaris.co.uk) cost �17.50 for adults, �12.50 children. For information on accommodation see dryisland.co.uk. Find more details about the area at Secret-scotland.com
Joanne O'Connor