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20 min: After a good bout of Spurs pressure, Ronaldo tries to provide his team with some relief and scurries forward. His shot from 25 yards lacks accuracy.
18 min: Modric shows commednable strength to hold off Xabi Alonso in the middle and instigate an attack, which leads to a freekick to Spurs in a dangerous crossing position after Sergio Ramos knees the Welshman in the belly. "Liverpool thrashed Real 4-0 less than a handful of seasons ago...," snarls Daniel Canetti, who also falls short of pertinence.
16 min: I'm not sure that van der Vaart has touched the ball yet. This is why I believe he should not be on the shortlist for Player of the Year. He does nothing for long periods, and then, admittedly, can pop up with something special. He's a bit like Arshavin at Arsenal. The player of the season is someone who is constantly influential. Van der Vaart hasn't even been Spurs' player of the season. Modric has.
14 min: Bale plonks a lame freekick into the wall.
13 min: Pavlyuchenjo, showing the technical dexterity that Crouch lacks, receives a long pass from Corluka and performs a nifty piece of interplay with Lennon before being tripped. Freekick to Spurs about 27 yards out, central. Bale fancies it.
11 min: Bale scampers down the left again, leaving Albiol panting in his wake. He fires in a low cross, but it's fractionally behind Pavlyuchenko.
9 min: The pace of this match is delightful, and it's a much more open game than you might have expected, as Real are not merely protecting their lead. "Not many people now remember that Real Madrid lost 3-0 in their first ever European Cup quarter-final second leg at Partisan Belgrade, in the opening year of the competition in 1955/56," lectures Sunder Kawala. "But their 4-0 home win at the Bernabeu in the first leg (on Christmas Day as it happens) was still just about enough, so Real were able to go on to win the first of their famous run of five European Cup victories anyway." Good knowledge. but entirely irrelevant to tonight's proceedings.
8 min: The Spurs fans still believe, if the superb atmosphere is anything to go by. Now if only their team could get the ball back ... "Not quite a beany hat, I know, but I think that this picture of Crouchie is close enough," flubbers Nathan Smith. "Isn't that Gareth Bale to his left, and Tom Huddlestone at the back on the right hand side?"
6 min: Bale beats Arbeloa and then actually stays on his feet long enough to curl a fine cross into the six-yard box. Casillas scrambles it away from Pavlyuchenko and Modric attempts to follow up but Real rather frantically slash it clear. "I love the imagery of Crouch in the stocks on the sidelines a yard or two away from Harry on the touchline and as the sorry tale unfolds he is berated and shamed with the Manager gesturing toward the pitch and proclaiming look what thoust has wrought!" belches Reid Finlayson.
4 min: Shameful dive by Bale in the Real box. Ref not fooled, thankfully. But Bale not booked.
3 min: It's all Real, and they should have opened the scoring just now. Adebayor fed Ozil, who had time and space to make like a pimply teenager: but instaed of picking his spot, he shot straight at Gomes from 16 yards.
2 min: Ronaldo, arse seemingly restored to prime condition, waltzes past two Spurs players on the right before being felled by Assou-Ekotto, who seems to have it him for him tonight. Spurs haven't been out of their half yet.
1 min: Within 10 seconds of kick-off Cristiano Ronaldo is writhing on the ground holding his buttocks. That's because Assou-Ekotto discreetly kicked those prized buttocks while purportedly challenging for a header.
7:43pm: "Mourinho is such a tease," swoons Ryan Dunne. "Surely, after winning trophies in Portugal, Italy, England and (inshallah) Spain, it would be a retrograde and uncharacteristic step to go back to England? He should pick a new country. I think Jose could win some trophies up here in Scotland."
7:41pm: The teams stride onto the field, Gareth Bale swigging water (or possibly vodka), Aaron Lennon still intact.
The Special One speaks: "I will be the first coach to be in the Champions League semi-final with four different clubs." Will, Spurs fans, he said will.
"Peter Crouch in a beanie hat?" gulps Jon Millard. "I'm far too incompetant to photoshop that, but can I request someone talented does so it goes on top of the report?" Note, everyone, that Jon is even too "incompetent" to spell incompetent. I, on the other hand, am not too incompetent to photoshop that. I just couldn't be bothered.
Crouchian turmoil: "There had better not be any shots of Peter Crouch looking on from a comfy seat tonight, while his team-mates try to deal with the ramifications from his first leg idiocy," fulminates Steven Hughes. "Two goals at home against Stoke City in the meantime should still leave the ice well and truly uncut. Crouch should watch this game from within a set of stocks while wearing one of those beanie hats that have the little propeller on the top."
Team talk: It seems that the Special One is still sufficiently wary of Spurs to include four of the players who are on yellow cards and, therefore, at risk of incurring a suspension that would rule them out of the first-leg of the semi-final against Barcelona. Carvalho would be a particularly damaging absentee ... and if particularly likely to incur a booking.
As for Spurs, good to see Huddlestone back in action from the start; he's the closest thing Spurs have to Xabi Alonso. And Pavlyuchenko is, in my opinion, the closest thing they have to a dangerous striker. He should always start against Crouch, especially in the Premier League.
Preamble:
Around about 3am this morning ? the witching hour! ? Harry Redknapp crept out of bed, donned a dark cloak and summoned his players to gather around a Ouija board. Or a crop circle. Or a fairy ring. Possibly in a cemetery, an inexplicably abandoned mansion or in the middle of a forest near a group of teenage American campers who've blithely ignored all forebodings about venturing there. Because Harry, you see, is desperate for a paranormal experience: only a supernatural happening can rescue Tottenham from Champions League elimination tonight.
The thing is, in this competition the Special One tends to have a monopoly on phenomena. And chances are not only will Real preserve their lead from the first-leg, they will ? given how badly Spurs defended in the first leg (two goals from corners, another from a goalkeeper blunder) ? they will probably extend it and end a run that is quite freakish for a club of their stature: Real have not won a Champions League knock-out match on foreign soil since 2000.
Teams:
Spurs: Gomes; Corluka, Gallas, Dawson, Assou-Ekotto; Lennon (subject to verification at kick-off), Huddlestone, Modric, Bale; Van der Vaart; Pavlyuchenko
Subs: Cudicini, Kaboul, Jenas, Defoe, Bassong, Kranjcar, Sandro
Real: Casillas; Sergio Ramos, Carvalho, Albiol, Arbeloa; Khedira, Xabi Alonso; Ronaldo, Ozil, Marcelo; Adebayor
Subs: Adan, Kaka, Benzema, Granero, Garay, Higuain, Di Maria
Ref: N Rizzoli (Ita)
Source: http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2011/apr/13/tottenham-hotspur-real-madrid-live
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